Spongy moss. Dripping Douglas firs. Droplets of water converging on a pound of flesh. As Aubrey Gordon dips her body into a warm bath amongst Oregon’s natural landscape, Jeanie Finlay opens the film with an image that fat bodies are banned from but fundamentally deserve. One in which they’re creations of nature.
The independent film follows Aubrey Gordon, an author and podcaster, as she rises from anonymous essayist to a New York Times best seller. Gordon begins her writing career under the pseudonym “Your Fat Friend”, publishing a letter in which she explains the realities of living as a fat person to a friend. The letter goes viral and Gordon continues to write under the pseudonym for years.
As “Your Fat Friend”, Gordon writes articles sharing the oppressive nature of anti-fatness. Her page gains tons of attention as it validates the lived experience of fat folks and encourages others to develop curiosity and compassion around how they treat their fat friends. But naturally so, the column also gains tons of attention by critics and online bullies, reinforcing that the world is not just unkind to fat people, but deadly.
Gordon’s online presence as a fat person becomes the target of online bullies threatening her life. The threat becomes even more surreal when she is eventually doxed. Despite her effort to humanize fat folks, her abusers remind us why her work is so important. The harassment is a reflection of how dangerous the world is for fat people and why the rest of us should open our eyes to it.
Despite fearing for her life, Gordon’s methods of self-preservation are clear and beautifully captured by Jeanie Finlay. Every tender moment of the film is interrupted by a quick quip by Gordon, as her loud laugh fills every corner of the room and audiences soon follows. It’s impossible not to love her. We meet her parents, Pam and Rusty, and watch her ability to connect with others even as they inflict anti-fat harm.
Gordon’s compassion for others is what stood out to me in both the film and her book What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat. In it, she provides haunting stories of the harassment she’s received for being fat but seems to always understand her oppressors experience. Gordon describes the physical and emotional pain of having to squeeze into a seat on an airplane and contort her body so she doesn’t touch others. Instead of others acknowledging her pain, she recounts events in which she was harassed by others passengers and a flight attendant for simply existing.
Despite the harm inflicted upon her, Gordon goes on to express understanding that this harassment is a reflection of others passengers stress while flying. “Rather than being a compatriot stuck in the same cramped, uncomfortable position as everyone else, I become a scapegoat for all their frustration. In moments like these, it’s hard to get angry with a corporation, its executives, and industrial designers; it’s much easier to get angry with the fat person who dared to fly.”
Her ability to appear calm comes at a cost that is highlighted in the film. Following the success of publishing a book and having a large following on her podcast Maintenance Phase, her father Rusty throws her a birthday party. As the cake he bought is revealed- one decorated with an image of Gordon’s dog and podcast logo- Rusty can’t help but mention several times how the cake is sugar-free. Take a shot for how many times Rusty mentions “sugar-free” and you might black out.
After the showing, Aubrey’s choice to endure this and similar encounters in the film was immediately brought into question by my friend. “How could she just sit there?” Aubrey has spent the better part of the last decade creating work that has become a cornerstone in fat activism. How could her father continue to inflict microaggressions about her body on her birthday? All while handing her a cake that celebrates fat activism as part of her success? And how does she remain quiet and eventually seem to laugh it off?
A well-deserving answer to the question requires a book. But for the sake of this article the ending of the film gives us one clue as to why. Throughout the film we see both of Aubrey’s parents trying to make sense of Aubrey’s relationship with fatness. Her father continuously expresses his pride but is challenged when having to elaborate on the focus of his daughters work.
The film ends with Aubrey speaking at an author talk at Powell’s City of Books following the release of her first book. The crowd is packed with people of all sizes, eager to express the influence that Gordon’s work has made in their lives. Although his pride is never doubted, this is the first time Rusty seems to understand the impact of his daughters work and is overwhelmed by tears in almost every shot. Their relationship shows that although Gordon’s parents fat acceptance journey is not at pace with Gordon’s, their ability to show support and love at their own pace was monumental in Gordon’s journey. And her ability to reciprocate was monumental in theirs.
Although some of the family scenes may be triggering for many folks, the inclusion of this relationship was essential for the film. Acknowledging the harm a parent has inflicted on their kids is incredibly painful but judgment-free space that her parents were given to explore this fact was essential to their growth. The presentation of this relationship allows audience members to explore their own anti-fat bias without shame or judgment. It’s this kind of work, Gordon expressed in the Q&A following the film, that allows us to create meaningful change for fat people.
Your Fat Friend will be screening in theatres throughout the UK during the month of March. It will also be screening at the Hollywood Theatre in Portland from March 8th-21st.
To get tickets visit https://www.yrfatfriendfilm.com/