The connection between diet culture and Christian purity culture (and the over-arching connections of both to the capitalist concepts of protestant work-ethic and American individualism) is absolutely my “Roman Empire.” I've seen time and time again among my friends and family as well as in my work as a clinical psychologist how the same women (often queer, often survivors of CSA) are susceptible to both, often using diet culture in a way that seems like a thinly veiled penance for existing as a sexual being (or a sexual object - unfortunately we aren't often taught that there is a difference). And it should be obvious that capitalism would encourage all types of pleasure-denying behaviors to keep us from believing that life is meant to be enjoyed. Also!!! I think I just figured out why the biggest insult/out-group stereotype of polyamorous people is that we are fat and ugly 👀
Absolutely! Once you see it, it is so hard to unsee. You’re totally right- if a woman is labeled as undesirable, that is the biggest insult because they therefore are unable to fufill their duties of procreation
I'm glad you appreciate my thoughts - I'm excited to be subscribed and see what else you've written here! Certainly women are taught that being sexually desirable is something to strive for - but only within a very narrow window of what is socially acceptable. I mentioned the bit about polyamory because it seems ironic that the insult toward women who are proudly open about having multiple romantic partners would be that we are actually undesirable (specifically that we are fat and not conventionally attractive), but I think it's coming from a deeper place of hatred/anger/envy toward women who don't participate in purity culture (we indulge in sex, romance, and pleasure, and there may be a connection to indulgence in other pleasures, like not participating in diet culture)
this is so interesting! i’m no longer anorexic, but when I was (age 17/18) I found that my body reverted to a child-like state - I didn’t get my period anymore and my boobs disappeared. I felt safer and comforted because of it, and so I continued to starve myself to keep my body like a child’s instead of a woman. I didn’t know there was a such a connection between starving, saints & to the rebellion against and rejection of men. Recovering from anorexia definitely involved learning to be comfortable in my own “womanliness” and sexuality, and realising that eating to be strong and healthy is way more transgressive than being weak and tired all the time. Thanks for this article!!
Emma I’m so grateful you shared your experience because it’s so common! Of course, there can be so many reasons why a girl has discomfort growing into a women’s body (I mean even without societal harm… the rapid change is kind of traumatizing!!). But it’s honestly so important for us to start talking about this to help teens navigate this period in their life. I’m so happy you recovered ❤️
I used to be afraid that, “left to my own devices” I’d subsist entirely on cookies and cake. Obviously not true. I get sick of it after a bit (maybe not cake, but I still won’t eat it exclusively like I thought). In treatment there were desserts, cookies, and candy available to us, and for quite a while I ate m&m’s or Oreos mixed into my yogurt EVERY DAY as a kind of “fuck you”. Of course the novelty wore off, but I bet I did it for a month. Speaking of…..😁😁😁
I know PLENTY of people including right here in my family that still think we need to “restrain ourselves”. I have found that to be just plain false. If I eat what I feel like having, I seem to get a good cross section. Again right in family “good” food and “bad” food and “clean eating” and so much shame and control around food. I just say it’s fuel. Body doesn’t know if I ate an Oreo vs a raspberry. It’s like if I get gas a Fry’s or Costco, the car doesn’t know. The engine burns the fuel.
Shelley! I’m happy that you gained so much from giving yourself permission and I’m so grateful that you shared your experience for others to relate to ❤️
This was super insightful! As a woman who also struggles with balancing what our patriarchal society deems is right versus what my body wants, it was very introspective to read your article. I know I will constantly have to struggle with what I “should” be eating, feeling, acting versus how I want to eat, feel, and act. However, shining some light on that dichotomy has made me also want to listen more to my body. Thank you for this!
This was such a fascinating read -- thank you so much for writing it. I've struggled with disordered eating my whole life. Intellectually, I've always known I need nourishment. But overcoming all the layers of shame and programming and social expectations have made it wildly difficult to turn knowledge into action. It's something I'm constantly working on.
I'm curious about the points you shared around hysteria, as I've often heard that hysteria was *cured by* physician-applied orgasm to women's erogenous zones to "rid" their bodies of their nervous energy. I haven't seen the inverse—the belief that hysteria was caused by masturbation! Do you have any recommendations for histories or books I can check out on this subject? (Most of my understanding of this area comes from reading Foucault's *Madness and Civilization* and related texts, as well as general 19th century historical studies through the lens of literary studies.)
Hi!!! Thank you for sharing! Off the top of my head, there was a wide range of treatments for hysteria. Some was orgasm some was denying sexual pleasure. I’d have to think about some good sources but will get back to you! “All in her head” might be a good start and you can check the authors footnotes
My god. This is is so aligned with where my thinking is, with the work I'm undertaking. Pleasure IS liberation, AND pleasure is not necessarily about consumption (in the capitalistic sense). The west, and US culture, specifically, have us bound in this binge/abstain mindset that keeps us from OURSELVES. I think if we can learn to tap into pleasure through all our senses we'll not just liberate our bodies and minds, but start resisting the things that kept us restrained in the first place (a good thing, IMO).
This is so interesting! This past week I was thinking about the relationship of pleasure of food and sexuality. So I am amazed to have found this article that deep dives into it 👏🏻
I’m trying to find a balance, because I feel like I’ve always been on one side of the spectrum (either too much restriction in my life and no pleasure, or an abundance of pleasure).
This was such an intelligent insight into a culture/disorder I believe our society still hasn’t fully grasped. Restrictive eating disorders aren’t truly about being thin for vanity’s sake, in my mind- they’re rooted in personalities that crave control and discipline. With the wave of diet culture and extreme thinness returning from hibernation, I’m glad we’re exploring the underlying causes.
Thank you! That is exactly why I wrote this. There is so much more wrapped up into this disordered relationship with our bodies that it does not heal overnight. I have a few other pieces that dive into other aspects of this relationship.
i have been struggling with weight and dieting since as long as i could remember. this piece reminds me that the internal healing from patriarchy is reminding oneself that there is a complex history and socialization that contributes to how women view their bodies and their relationships with dieting and food. Thank you for this insightful piece !!
The connection between diet culture and Christian purity culture (and the over-arching connections of both to the capitalist concepts of protestant work-ethic and American individualism) is absolutely my “Roman Empire.” I've seen time and time again among my friends and family as well as in my work as a clinical psychologist how the same women (often queer, often survivors of CSA) are susceptible to both, often using diet culture in a way that seems like a thinly veiled penance for existing as a sexual being (or a sexual object - unfortunately we aren't often taught that there is a difference). And it should be obvious that capitalism would encourage all types of pleasure-denying behaviors to keep us from believing that life is meant to be enjoyed. Also!!! I think I just figured out why the biggest insult/out-group stereotype of polyamorous people is that we are fat and ugly 👀
Absolutely! Once you see it, it is so hard to unsee. You’re totally right- if a woman is labeled as undesirable, that is the biggest insult because they therefore are unable to fufill their duties of procreation
I'm glad you appreciate my thoughts - I'm excited to be subscribed and see what else you've written here! Certainly women are taught that being sexually desirable is something to strive for - but only within a very narrow window of what is socially acceptable. I mentioned the bit about polyamory because it seems ironic that the insult toward women who are proudly open about having multiple romantic partners would be that we are actually undesirable (specifically that we are fat and not conventionally attractive), but I think it's coming from a deeper place of hatred/anger/envy toward women who don't participate in purity culture (we indulge in sex, romance, and pleasure, and there may be a connection to indulgence in other pleasures, like not participating in diet culture)
100%! It’s ironic yet also a very immature jab to ostracize someone who has already chosen to be counter-culture
this is so interesting! i’m no longer anorexic, but when I was (age 17/18) I found that my body reverted to a child-like state - I didn’t get my period anymore and my boobs disappeared. I felt safer and comforted because of it, and so I continued to starve myself to keep my body like a child’s instead of a woman. I didn’t know there was a such a connection between starving, saints & to the rebellion against and rejection of men. Recovering from anorexia definitely involved learning to be comfortable in my own “womanliness” and sexuality, and realising that eating to be strong and healthy is way more transgressive than being weak and tired all the time. Thanks for this article!!
Emma I’m so grateful you shared your experience because it’s so common! Of course, there can be so many reasons why a girl has discomfort growing into a women’s body (I mean even without societal harm… the rapid change is kind of traumatizing!!). But it’s honestly so important for us to start talking about this to help teens navigate this period in their life. I’m so happy you recovered ❤️
I used to be afraid that, “left to my own devices” I’d subsist entirely on cookies and cake. Obviously not true. I get sick of it after a bit (maybe not cake, but I still won’t eat it exclusively like I thought). In treatment there were desserts, cookies, and candy available to us, and for quite a while I ate m&m’s or Oreos mixed into my yogurt EVERY DAY as a kind of “fuck you”. Of course the novelty wore off, but I bet I did it for a month. Speaking of…..😁😁😁
I know PLENTY of people including right here in my family that still think we need to “restrain ourselves”. I have found that to be just plain false. If I eat what I feel like having, I seem to get a good cross section. Again right in family “good” food and “bad” food and “clean eating” and so much shame and control around food. I just say it’s fuel. Body doesn’t know if I ate an Oreo vs a raspberry. It’s like if I get gas a Fry’s or Costco, the car doesn’t know. The engine burns the fuel.
Shelley! I’m happy that you gained so much from giving yourself permission and I’m so grateful that you shared your experience for others to relate to ❤️
This was super insightful! As a woman who also struggles with balancing what our patriarchal society deems is right versus what my body wants, it was very introspective to read your article. I know I will constantly have to struggle with what I “should” be eating, feeling, acting versus how I want to eat, feel, and act. However, shining some light on that dichotomy has made me also want to listen more to my body. Thank you for this!
Awwww I'm so happy it gave you something to think about, and also hopefully some validation!
This was such a fascinating read -- thank you so much for writing it. I've struggled with disordered eating my whole life. Intellectually, I've always known I need nourishment. But overcoming all the layers of shame and programming and social expectations have made it wildly difficult to turn knowledge into action. It's something I'm constantly working on.
I'm curious about the points you shared around hysteria, as I've often heard that hysteria was *cured by* physician-applied orgasm to women's erogenous zones to "rid" their bodies of their nervous energy. I haven't seen the inverse—the belief that hysteria was caused by masturbation! Do you have any recommendations for histories or books I can check out on this subject? (Most of my understanding of this area comes from reading Foucault's *Madness and Civilization* and related texts, as well as general 19th century historical studies through the lens of literary studies.)
Hi!!! Thank you for sharing! Off the top of my head, there was a wide range of treatments for hysteria. Some was orgasm some was denying sexual pleasure. I’d have to think about some good sources but will get back to you! “All in her head” might be a good start and you can check the authors footnotes
Beautiful! The last sentence did in fact make me cry 🥺❤️ Thank you!
Wow XOXO I’m so happy this resonated with you
THIS IS SO GOOD. HOLY. SPOT ON. You touched on so many experiences us women face and I found the article to be very informative and relatable.
Rosemary! I’m so grateful for this comment. It means so much to me that this research validated what you already feel ❤️🥹
This was such a important read! You intertwined and analyzed the different cultural aspects perfectly! Well done!!!
Thank you so much! That feedback is so helpful.
My god. This is is so aligned with where my thinking is, with the work I'm undertaking. Pleasure IS liberation, AND pleasure is not necessarily about consumption (in the capitalistic sense). The west, and US culture, specifically, have us bound in this binge/abstain mindset that keeps us from OURSELVES. I think if we can learn to tap into pleasure through all our senses we'll not just liberate our bodies and minds, but start resisting the things that kept us restrained in the first place (a good thing, IMO).
such a pertinent and enlightening piece! loved it. valuable for my own journey through self-discovery
Ahhh adalaiah I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you so much for sharing and I'm happy to be part of your journey.
This is so interesting! This past week I was thinking about the relationship of pleasure of food and sexuality. So I am amazed to have found this article that deep dives into it 👏🏻
I’m trying to find a balance, because I feel like I’ve always been on one side of the spectrum (either too much restriction in my life and no pleasure, or an abundance of pleasure).
Ahhh Nicole!!! I’m so happy it found you ❤️ I try to write about this a bit !
This was such an intelligent insight into a culture/disorder I believe our society still hasn’t fully grasped. Restrictive eating disorders aren’t truly about being thin for vanity’s sake, in my mind- they’re rooted in personalities that crave control and discipline. With the wave of diet culture and extreme thinness returning from hibernation, I’m glad we’re exploring the underlying causes.
Thank you! That is exactly why I wrote this. There is so much more wrapped up into this disordered relationship with our bodies that it does not heal overnight. I have a few other pieces that dive into other aspects of this relationship.
i have been struggling with weight and dieting since as long as i could remember. this piece reminds me that the internal healing from patriarchy is reminding oneself that there is a complex history and socialization that contributes to how women view their bodies and their relationships with dieting and food. Thank you for this insightful piece !!
Yes! I think we need to give ourselves compassion for how long the journey can be considering how much impacts it.
this is such an interesting essay, one of my favorites i've read here so far.
Wow!! I’m so happy ♥️
This is an incredible piece of writing thank you
Wow!! Thank you! I’m so happy that it resonated with you.
I am guilty of this same LOL