The Feminine Urge to Repress Sexuality By Dieting

A look into the hetero-female relationship between diet and sexuality.

Jul 08, 2024

“If I allowed myself to eat my favorite foods, I would be eating crap all the time.”

At my job counseling folks with eating disorders, I come across tons of women convinced that a personality flaw is responsible for their obsession with sweets. Most of them are frustrated that they’re seduced by cookies, cakes, and ice cream as opposed to salad. Attitudes towards vegetables are complex with many of these clients admitting their love for vegetables, but preferred by coating them in “unhealthy” fats such as dressings, dips, olives, or cheese. Some others feel overwhelmed by vegetables and become exhausted by the mental effort it takes them to eat them multiple times per day.

Despite feeling addicted to indulgence, most of these women are the most restrained people that I know. While they feel out of control around food, their “addiction” actually stems disallowing themselves to enjoy food at all. Most of these women eat “clean” all day - choosing simple, vegetable-based meals barren from fat and carbs. They convince themselves that they enjoy these foods not because of their own genuine preferences, but because our culture has deemed these foods as “permissible”. But their fat-free yogurt and barren daily salads leave them ravenous and by the end of the work day they can’t stop thinking about sweets- one of the body’s natural responses to undernourishment.

Your Body In the Drivers Seat

When the body hasn’t received enough fuel during the day, blood sugar dips and less energy is delivered to cells. Consequently one might experience lightheadedness, irritability, fatigue, and difficulty focusing. In an effort to pick blood sugar back up to a normal range, the brain becomes obsessed with food to get you to eat - especially sweets. For my clients, their brain goes on auto-pilot and they find themselves having an out-of-body experience while they reach for anything sugary that will pick their blood sugar up quickly such as cookies, cakes, ice cream, candy. Their body devours the sweets so quickly that they don’t even notice how it tastes. It’s not until their blood sugar returns to normal that they “come to” and realize the entire pint of ice cream is gone and they didn’t even get to enjoy it. The shame they experience for mindlessly overeating sweets makes them double-down on returning back to their barren salads the following day.

These women feel “out of control” around food, but are otherwise regimented in every other aspect of their lives. Many of them are committed to perfection at work, put the needs of others above themselves, and hold themselves to the highest of standards in every way possible. What is actually causing these women to be obsessed with sweets is not their lack of control but their rigidity. In an effort to “control” their weight they provide it with inadequate nourishment. But once their body realizes that it’s being starved, it enters survival mode and pushes the conscious mind out of the driver’s seat. The conscious mind only turns back online once it has enough energy. Instead of deterring them, the shame followed by eating sweets instead feeds its consumption. By putting sweets in the “forbidden food” category, their brain releases even more dopamine once eaten, making the food even more exciting.

The treatment for their affliction is simple : adequate caloric intake, balanced meals, and permission to eat “forbidden” foods. But initially, these women are convinced that this prescription will not work for them. Despite their regular overeating episodes, they are terrified that eating more throughout the day and allowing themselves to eat sweets will cause weight gain. And although weight gain may result in some, these women have spent their entire lives devoted to avoiding weight gain while heavily restricting themselves from food. At the surface, many reveal fear of developing chronic health conditions associated with “obesity”. But under further inspection, their fears of weight gain reveal so much more.

Anorexia as a means of “Control”

It’s the medieval period in Europe and you’re a teenage girl. Your parents inform you that you’ll be wed to a man against your will. Your life has been predetermined for you. Your body will be devoted to the sexual pleasure of a strange man and to the labor of raising his children. But there is an out- starve yourself in the name of Christ and commit yourself to God. Instead your parents will send you to a convent where you will live out your days committed to spiritual servitude .

Unfortunately, this was the reality of many medieval teenage girls that we now recognize as Saints. One of the most popular stories was that of St. Catherine of Siena, who starved herself to protest marrying her deceased sister's husband. She then committed herself to spiritual servitude and devoted her life to abstaining from all food aside from the Holy Eucharist.

Fasting was common among women of this time, who performed the task to imitate the suffering of Jesus. But women also found it to serve another strategy - to protect their sexuality. Historically, Christian’s have viewed the female body as a symbol of sexuality while the male body as a recreation of God’s physical form. The rapid growth of fat and curves during a females adolescence signifies her sexual maturity - putting her under the microscope of men. Most of us women have stories of learning that we had crossed childhood to womanhood by experiencing a surge in sexual harassment. Peer tween boys honking our breasts. Gray-haired men asking if we had boyfriends. Men in trucks honking at us as we walked down the street at the age of thirteen. Before many of us reach high school, we learn that our bodies are not our own and that the mere existence of them puts us in constant danger. Consequently, many women have found a sense of safety by removing or preventing the growth of their flesh.

Although some Saints went to extremes by physically cutting flesh from their body, the less extreme trend of fasting has carried on into modernity. In 19th century America, fear of female sexuality dominated healthcare. Almost any ailment experienced by women was claimed to be “hysteria” (read: non-compliance), a condition believed to be caused by masturbation. A common treatment method? Bodily mutilation or malnutrition. Restricting women of food decreased their energy and consequently their libido. The svelte, pale figures that resulted in malnutrition reflected a woman’s commitment to her treatment and lack of sexual promiscuity. Additionally, the weak, dainty figure gave off the impression that she was easy to control and therefore obedient to her husband. The antithesis of the hysterical woman.

Such misogynistic values can be found woven into several dietary trends. Diet kooks such as Sylvester Graham encouraged followers to avoid any food that he thought to one’s sexual appetite including sugar and meat. John Harvey Kellogg, who was a follower of Graham and stole the concept of granola, prescribed followers bland diets to prevent sexual stimulation. (No wonder cornflakes are so boring). Although purists made such recommendations to both sexes, consequences for women have historically been much greater. While Christian teachings “encourage boys to please God by doing brave things, girls are encouraged to please God by not doing shameful things” (Sawatsky, 2023). To maintain power dynamics, Christian girls and women are put under a greater amount of pressure to “behave”. We can see how these values impact our culture as women’s bodies have been shamed for “tempting” sexual promiscuity in men as opposed to shaming men for sexually harming women.

Male sexual dominance not only informs our cultural values but is forced on girls from an early age. Dick-whipping contests and cartoons of penises are considered a natural part of male development. So much so that in the last decade, President of Billionaire Steven Cohen’s investment firm thought it would be funny to draw a penis on the white board of a meeting room and leave it up for weeks. Why is this act so socially acceptable that not only a grown man found it humorous, but the President of a large investment firm? Such cartoons can be found on sidewalks, busses, and inside textbooks. But never will you find a cartoon of a vulva. Why’s that? Hey reader… does your husband know what a vulva is? The liberal display of masculinity reinforces that the sexual pleasure of men is protected and prioritized from a young age, while any amount of sexual curiosity is not just shamed, but inaccessible. If man, he who wrote all of our medical knowledge, can’t fully accept our anatomy, how can we?

Are Women Truly Free?

Since the 19th century, women have slowly won more freedoms over their lives and bodies. Just over a century ago, women lived in fear that having a diverging opinion from their husbands would result in admission to a sanitarium. While today’s women can have bank accounts, homes, and even children without the support of a husband.

Despite such advancements in women's rights, the sex is still fighting - and unfortunately losing - full autonomy. Abortion bans and reproductive healthcare restrictions have reminded women that not only does she not have control over her body, she does not have control over her life. The increase in maternal mortality rates caused by abortion bans imposes that a woman's sole responsibility is to reproduce, even if the cost is her life.

Aside from reproductive freedoms, women have also very rarely been granted rest. In the late 19th century, eating establishments catered to genders were far from similar. A luncheon catered to the working man provided conviviality, smoking, and an opportunity to relax. While lunch-spots for women prioritized light, convenient faire so a woman could eat with speed before returning back to work. This prioritization for men’s rest carries through the 20th century, as the housewife worked all day to provide meals for her working husband. Although she sits down with him at dinner, she must also clean up after dinner while he rests.

Although their lives may look different, many of my female clients find themselves running on the same fumes as their jobless-grandmothers. Getting the kids together in the morning, going to work, working through their lunch breaks to get out early to pick up the kids. They get home from work and immediately return to managing the household and cooking dinner. Even progressive households still struggle to practice equal distribution of labor. Women still perform a significantly higher amount of domestic duties than men including childcare and overall household management. Culturally, men find it easier to grant themselves rest, while a woman is trained to not rest until everything and everyone is first taken care of. Simply put, a woman's body is not granted the same amount of rest or pleasure as a mans.

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Restriction as a Restraint from Experiencing Pleasure

As women continue to gain control over their lives and bodies, it may bring us closer to but does not necessarily grant us capacity to experience true pleasure. Our sexual organs and sexuality exist to serve others - to provide pleasure for men and labor for children. Even when existing outside the family system our bodies are required to be committed to our careers while mistreated by the medical system. Those of us who are childless are trying to prioritize pleasure, but have few if any role models to do such and still live in a society that teaches us that input is earned by economic output. (Harder job = higher salary = more “fun”). But even the most esteemed profession will not fully grant a woman rights to her own body as she is reminded when she walks down the street, into her office, and into doctors offices that her body was made for the viewing pleasure of others.

If a woman does openly experience pleasure, it implies that she has the capacity to do so. If the Christian woman is expected to sacrifice herself for her husband, children, and God, a moment in which she experiences pleasure is an action which prioritizes herself. Abstinence from pleasure has traditionally come at the cost of practicing commitment to one’s family. Thus a woman’s pleasure is an act of defiance toward Christian values and the antithesis of the Christian woman designed by the patriarchal man. In an effort to reorient her with Christian values, she is then labeled as selfish and shameful.

Although the modern day woman has more social and financial freedom to experience pleasure, her body works overtime to obtain the economic freedom to do so. From centuries of cultural influence, she still experiences shame in her sexuality. She likely covers up her body and is careful of how she navigates the world for her own physical protection. Although there are many feminist men who support the equality of women, women's internal healing from the patriarchy has outpaced that of their feminist male partners. Consequently, if she is in a relationship with a man, he is unlikely to be able to meet her emotional and sexual needs. Although many women can find other sources to meet such, for many it feels easiest to simply lower their expectations and accept having their needs unmet.

Lack of dependance on man is the greatest threat to the patriarchal man whose sense of self worth is dependent on his ability to provide, control, and sow his seed. And although a man healing from the patriarchy may be making strong efforts to meet her needs, his inability to do so is likely to make him feel emasculated as he was conditioned to feel like a “provider”.

Pleasure Ensures Survival

Unfortunately for this system, every single body is designed to experience pleasure. Pleasure indicates the concentration of nutrients in any given food. It helps us seek out social connections and create community. Helps us identify what humans we are most compatible with. Pleasure motivates us to develop skills and contribute to our community. It tells us how and when our body needs rest. Pleasure relaxes us, and it’s not lost on me that it also encourages us to procreate. So just like when a woman restricts herself from adequate caloric intake her body will force her to seek it from sweets, if we deny ourselves of pleasure, our body will force us to seek out sources to experience it. We can see this pan out in many other ways, as many economically barren communities are also afflicted by drug addiction.

Consequently, a tired woman may find a quick hit of dopamine from a pastry. A tense woman running on very little sleep may use a bowl of ice cream to get enough serotonin to help relax her enough to fall asleep at night. A sultry bar of dark chocolate may give her oxytocin, supplementing the lack of connection she feels with her partner. And as mentioned above, if even feminist men feel angered when they cannot provide pleasure to women, no wonder so many women would rather eat sweets when no one is watching, or only rest in secret. Experiencing pleasure in private is the only way she can protect the little bit that she can.

Pleasure as an Act of Liberation

Although a woman giving herself permission to openly experience pleasure comes with risks, my clients have found it incredibly liberating. Initially they fear that liberally eating sweets would result in devouring all sweets in sight. But once they are adequately nourished and learn to pay attention to their sensory experience with food, many find that the oreos they used to binge on aren’t actually exciting at all. Permission to experience pleasure helps them to notice the variation in textures, flavors, and satisfaction from each food. Consequently, they prioritize foods that are the most pleasurable to their palate resulting in reaching satisfaction earlier, and ultimately eating much fewer sweets than when they were restraining themselves with rigid diets.

Additionally, these women find that by paying attention to pleasure, their diet is actually much more balanced. With a little nutrition education, she learns that the reason why she prefers dressing on her salad is because the fat from the dressing allows her body to absorb fat-soluble vitamins from the vegetables. She prefers juicy red strawberries over hard ones because the depth of color reflects a higher concentration of antioxidants. Or that she prefers for her food to have a crunch because chewing helps release flavors from the food, which your brain eagerly anticipates. By giving herself permission to connect with her body and food, the liberated woman learns that her body had an expansive amount of knowledge to take care of itself all along, all she had to do was listen.

As a Dietitian, it is fascinating to see how this change in one’s relationship with food spills into their relationship with other aspects of their lives. Some start to set boundaries at work. Others experiment with different types of connections with friends. When it comes to physical activity, many start to deprioritize work-out regimes and instead prioritize movement that gives them the most joy. They might discover a wider range of sexual partners, or revisit an artistic hobby from their past. Once a woman starts to prioritize pleasure in one area of her life, a spotlight shines on every other aspect of her life that is not providing her pleasure. As she becomes more and more devoted to her pleasure, she finds that instead of it feeling owned, her body feels more like her home.

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