Why does diet culture have such a hold on women?

And thoughts on why we see the world so differently

Apr 29, 2025

“Her creation will be to make articulate this obscure world which dominates me, which he denies being dominated by, but which asserts it’s domination in destructive proofs of it’s presence, madness.”

- Anais Nin, Diary of Anais Nin

Although the dieting industry targets all demographics, the diet and beauty industry as a whole has a noticeably stronger hold on cis-women than cis-men. Multiple reports found that on average, women spend hundreds to thousands of dollars more on beauty annually than men12. PYMNT’s 2024 Women’s Wellness Index found that women across all income groups spend more money on diet and wellness products than men. The percentage is narrower amongst high-earners with only a 3% difference between men and women3. But the gap widens significantly in low-earners, with women typically spending much more than men.

Between men and women who use reduced-fat and reduced-calorie food products, women have historically been more likely to use them for weight-control purposes than men45. School-age girls are more likely to try diets than school-age boys. College-age women are more likely to use dieting and exercise to lose weight than college-age men6. The American College Health Association found in their 2010 Reference Group Data Report that college-age women were more like to actively attempt to change their weight than college-age men7. The percentage has actually caught up to being even across cis-genders in their Spring 2024 report, although historical data in the ACHA’s report suggest that this trend is new8.

white and black plane in mid air — Photo by Diana Polekhina on Unsplash

Why women?

We can talk in depth as others have about why diet culture disproportionately impacts women and marginalized groups. Patriarchy, capitalism, racism, transphobia, etc. The world makes it hard for us to live in and therefore we are vulnerable to following trends that make it seemingly easier. For acceptance. For safety. For a sense of agency. And even with this awareness, so many of us still default to dieting. The thoughts linger like a tick, incessant and exhausting. Why?

Oppressed people are treated as less-than-whole humans. Not necessarily incomplete but as lacking the same potential completeness as white men. Of human rights, dignity, empathy, visibility. We feel, because we are, dehumanized. We’re harassed and abused because our selfhood is denied. We can try, as we do, to convince our oppressors that the harassment and abuse is bad but without their acceptance of both our humanhood and selfhood, the argument is a moot point. In other words: most white men have no idea that they even see or treat us differently.

Invisible while screaming

As a girl who grew up with three brothers, the difference in treatment I received from boys was obvious as early as first grade. Boys didn’t interact with me at school the same way they interacted with me at home. In elementary school, we were equal in the classroom but in gym class girls suddenly became ghosts. Our participation needed to be earned.

And as adults… must I even explain how our selfhood is denied by our misogynistic leaders? We are reminded of our indebted servitude everywhere. As we fight for medical rights, we’re reminded that our leaders reduce our purpose to breeding even at the cost of our lives. Our domestic work is often overlooked if not completely ignored even by our spouses, or worse labeled as our “hobby”. Even in het-liberal households, women take on more domestic labor than their male partners9 yet many of our male partners will fight us on this fact.

Me spending X years listening to my ex tell me that I washed the dishes more than him because I ‘liked’ washing the dishes.

man in gray crew neck shirt with brown hair — Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Boy, please! I like to have *dishes* to *eat off of*. Cleaning up after oneself to make ones world functional is *NOT A HOBBY*.

I’m aware that women are also messy - but have a conversation with a messy cis-het woman about their domestic duties vs. a cis-het man, and the difference in awareness of how their messiness impacts their partner is alarming.

I want the freedom of men without the indifference toward others

There is an indifference toward others that most white men have. A lack of self-awareness even. A lack of need to. I have spent a lot of time wondering how men are able to spend so much mental activity tinkering with their toys as opposed to the wellbeing of others. I’m jealous. Meanwhile, I’m too busy thinking about men. And never even my attraction to them! But in proving my selfhood to those I am and am not attracted to!

I’m not alone - a lot of women are consumed by this, even when oblivious to it. Even when they are successful! (How else would Taylor Swift’s music relate to such a wide range of women?) I was raised in a household that empowered me to be independent, but broader social values still imprinted on me. In our movies, shows, and literature most female leads are incomplete without ending up with a man. Even young female leads will eventually fall for their male best friend. Lizzie McGuire, arguably more submissive than her bestie Miranda, is obsessed with Ethan Craft. She ends up being bamboozled by Paulo. But the end of her story as Lizzie McGuire is with Gordo. Despite getting on stage after being duped by a popstar, her story is incomplete without ending up with her male BFF.

Even strong, independent women in our stories must get saved. Princess Mia Thermopolis, who’s story is to assert woman’s power independent from men gets humbled by her conniving lover! Cameron Diaz’s girl boss character heals her inner child a la Jude Law. Katniss softened and saved by Peeta. Can you tell that I’m a millennial yet!!!

Almost all media directed toward women teach us that strength, independence, intellect, and beauty are not enough. We are not complete without a man.

Unfortunately, many of us are aware of these tropes yet play into them anyway. Even since women have won some of our rights back — many of us still invest in the idea that we are less than. Many still marry for economic stability as it’s more securing than financing a home alone. Tired, many desire to be taken care of and in searching for such, would rather be with a man who defaults to weaponized incompetence in hopes that they might receive care rather than being alone and knowing with confidence that they won’t. And consider how many women are able to pursue their dream low-paying careers or home-businesses because their lifestyle is subsidized by their husbands jobs.

Feeling dependent on another in order to have the same opportunities is dehumanizing. Consequently, we compensate by trying prove our selfhood. Proving our wholeness becomes us. We seek understanding, validation, connection, reciprocity. Knowing ourselves and accurately being known to others consumes us.

In our social circles, women explore relationships, emotions, to seek connection and stability. Men bond over activity-based hobbies and “intellect”. Some anthropologists suggest it’s because men historically hunted and women stayed home. Although this is a likely influence puzzle, I still wonder - what is this trend serving us now?

The phases of my life in which I was the most desperate for connection and understanding were the phases of my life in which I was the least understood.

woman in yellow and red crew neck t-shirt — Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Women are obsessed with fixing themselves because they are searching for themselves. And even once they have found her, invalidation from society makes her question herself again. Her environment and relationships try to prove her wrong. So if image is what aids women in being seen by their oppressors and gives them a chance to be heard, why not devote oneself to perfecting it? Why not become obsessed with becoming and maintaining the ideal image of woman to man?

Contrary to women, men have selfhood. They are born with it. They are taught that by simply being, they are enough. Doing is more than enough. High skill is honorable! Women are taught that even with gold medals dangling from their neck, they are not enough unless desirable to a man.

Men’s selfhood offers them more opportunities than they know. They don’t have to think about others because their environment rarely teaches them to be aware of their relation to others. Meanwhile, a woman’s awareness of her relation to others is thrust upon us. Don’t be alone at night. Move out of the way. Be nice. Why don’t you just smile? Why do you look so tired ? Don’t wear XYZ and he won’t ZYX you. If her environment tells her that what happens to her is dictated by her perception to others, why not constantly alter her image to protect herself?

She will spend hours a week to look “maintained” simply to be acknowledged. She will starve her body to be “desirable”. She will cover up parts of her body during intimacy to avoid being ridiculed. She will cover up others to avoid being publicly harassed. She spends years developing just the right formula for her make-up routine to be respected at work without being sexualized. And even when she is in a committed relationship for years, she is frightened by the thought of potential weight gain impacting her husbands attraction to her.

To infinity and beyond

Women’s awareness of their relation to others does not just impact the way they treat themselves, but their worldview. I have a hard time believing that women are compassionate solely because they have historically stayed at home with the babies. They are compassionate because they’ve been forced to question their humanity and the impact of their humanity on others. Why else would white men be so obsessed with colonizing space while everyone else says “what about us down here?” The rest of us don’t understand their obsession with human advancement because the rest of us have yet to be treated as humans. But men, living the entirety of their lives with not only their selfhood, but with the denial of other groups selfhood, can of course imagine a world much greater than themselves. A life beyond their own. Or at least they can imagine to imagine it. When you are not your full self- at least not treated as such - why care about a world beyond?

Discussing men’s fascination with human advancement, an arguably feminist man asked me: What would women achieve if they had the freedom of men?

While it’s a fascinating question — limits lead to innovation and I find it ironic that the asker also agrees (a win for cognitive dissonance I suppose). Women and marginalized communities have been assigned limits and therefore must be resourceful (hence how women end up relying on beauty for attention or OF for income). Men want to innovate. Men believe they can invent themselves out of every problem because since their birth, doing such has always worked. Women have always known what it’s like to achieve success that is treated like a failure.

Some might argue that men explore space to understand themselves — yes — but to understand themselves beyond earth. Beyond being human. It is a luxury of their humanhood on earth to be able to imagine a world beyond themselves, while the rest of us simply try to prove our humanity here.

Why must the acceleration of our extinction be labeled by men as “human advancement”. Why is advancement worth the cost of others lives or livelihood? It is hard to even begin having such a conversation with a species who is so comfortable committing sexual rape, that they unknowingly practice rape in almost every aspect of their lives.

To answer D’s question: I don’t know what women or other marginalized folks would create if they had the same freedom of men. But why not look at what they are trying to create now? With few resources. While being sick, poor, and abused. They are trying to create spaces to save, secure, and protect others. Why isn’t that human advancement? Why isn’t working for the equality of all humans, despite all odds, admirable enough?

Fear of smallness of our world and its life may lead to a kind of claustrophobia and thence, with apparent reasonableness, to a desire for the ‘freedom’ of limitless. But this desire paradoxically reduces everything. The life of this world is small to those who think it is, and the desire to enlarge it makes it smaller, and can finally reduce it to nothing.

Wendell Berry, Faustian Economics

Thanks for reading a spoonful of stories! This post is public so feel free to share it.

Author notes: This essay was mostly inspired by personal group conversations and Wendell Berry’s essay Faustian Economics which I highly recommend.

Like all writing, I understand this will not be received well by many. This is not a man-hating post. This is a call for equality. If this post upset you, I ask you to consider the limitations to the written word and complete pieces. There are over 8 billion people currently living on this planet. Could it be possible for a group of peoples lived experience to be different from your own? The truth of another’s experience does not necessarily void your own. How could understanding someone else’s lived experience transform yours?

a spoonful of stories